This is written especially for you.
It took me quite a while to decide on this. At first I was just thinking to write to you, as in hand written; then I thought that it's better to tell you in person. But, you know me well enough that I'm never good at both above.
Friend, I've been thinking lately, on many many issues; from the day we became friends up till today. It's been a long journey, with many ups and downs. I still can't really believe that we actually made it this far. I'm glad, at the same time I feel guilty too. Mainly because I think that you put in more effort in this friendship than I do? Many times I feel that I've done not enough. Many times I feel that I'm never good enough for you.
I love to have you around, no doubt. Most of my happy moments were spent with you. But sometimes, I do feel uncomfortable having you around. You do know that I' ve always think highly of you, and always expect great things from you; and you did prove me right, you are an awesome person =) As much as I like all your awesomeness and your great theories, there are times where I really feel intimidated (if that's the right word to put) by all your awesomeness. Nope, certainly not your fault. I strongly believe in nothing wrong with being awesome, rather the more we should look up to them.
All these years of friendship, I've been learning things from you. You inspired me to read (I've actually pick up reading and I'm loving it), you helped me so much in my spiritual growth, I gained extra knowledge from you, yada yada..the list can go on till we both go up to heaven. You see right, you are wise, smart, with brains, bold...etc. Sometimes, I really don't know how to react around you? I don't feel stupid or dumb la, but more of useless? I mean, not to the extent of good for nothing la. Is like I can't do much for you? Things I know, you already knew; I can't give you much advice because I know very little, and if I do know, is all head knowledge which you would have already know long before me.
It's my wish la to be the best friend I can be, be there when you need someone, you know, just being a friend? But most of the time, I didn't and I failed; on top of that, I treated you badly at times, which I really think you don't deserve any of it, after putting so much into this relationship. I've taken you for granted in many ways. My point is, sometimes I think I'm not good enough for you, I've done not enough. You thank me so much, but I actually did nothing. You needed help, but I wasn't there. You come up with ideas for my birthday every year, but I didn't do anything special for your birthday. See the difference? Nothing that I've done for you but worries and bad attitude. Sometimes, is just hard for me to be with you, I just don't know how to be your friend, and is freaking me out =(
I meant no harm in writing this. I thought I should let you know what am I going through, or went through. I do want you to know that I'm very very very very happy to meet you, to have you as my friend, to be part of your life. You mean lots to me, and I do love you very much. All I can say for now is I will keep trying to bring out the best in me, to do a friend's duty the best I can. If you've not know about this, it's always been my wish to make you proud and not fail you in anyways, which I've yet to do so. So yea, I think that's about it? I don't really know how to end this, I guess I'll just stop here for now. I love you.
Friend,
Audrey
